I determined I would not let it bother me. I began building an emotional barrier around myself. I chose not to learn to laugh, or cry, or experience pain. I would laugh when I heard a joke and I would cry when I stubbed my toe, but I would control all deep emotion.

A few years later my mother died of what was basically a broken heart. I built the emotionally barrier even thicker. I took control of my family, my career, and my life. My college lifestyle could best be described as "drugs, sex, and rock and roll." I knew a lot of things I was doing were not good for me but I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I didn't want anyone telling me what to do.

After college, I began moving up in the restaurant management business. I was very good at what I did and was on the fast track. I was in control. Then out of the blue I lost my job. I got caught in a political fight. I was friends with the wrong people and so became unemployed. I saw my job start to slip away and I tried to take control. But I could not stop what was happening. I had no control over the situation. Losing my job was not really that big a deal. My resume was tremendous and finding another job was no problem. As a matter of fact, I actually came out better.

What was such a big deal was that I had no control. This devastated me. Fortunately a friend had encouraged me to begin reading the Bible about six months earlier. As I read the Bible I began to see that when I took control of my life, I was running away from God.

God's desire was to help me face the pain and embarrassment and to help me grow and become strong in Him. Instead of following God I turned from Him and that was sin. I also saw that the penalty for sin was eternal separation from God. I learned that God loved me so much that He became a man named Jesus and He paid the penalty for my sin.

He wanted to be the perfect Father that my dad wasn't. He wanted to help me grow through my pain and restore fullness to my life. All I had to do was turn control of my life over to God.

One night I did that. I bowed my head and asked Jesus Christ to take control. It was really great. The room did not shake. The lights did not flash on and off. But peace filled my soul. For the first time in twenty years I experienced true feeling down in the depths of my soul.

Life has not exactly been a bed of roses since then. I still have struggles. I get frustrated with employees, I struggle to know how to raise my kids and be a good family man. Many of my past experiences have left consequences I still have to work out. But God has helped me remove that emotional barrier one brick at a time. I still have a small knee-high wall around me that God is working on. But I know for sure when I die physically, I will spend eternity with my heavenly father and that wall will be completely gone.

Another one of the big changes in my life is to have a new eternal perspective on life. So what if I don't make a million dollars? My purpose now is to do the will of God and to get my priorities in the right order. I find so much satisfaction helping friends and employees get their lives straightened out through the peace I have found in Jesus Christ.

I pray that every person can experience this peace through Jesus Christ. Only Jesus can forgive sin and give peace, joy, and eternal life.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."

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